2023, a beautiful italian island
my annual letter
I didn’t want to write this piece. When compiling a list of all the quantitative things I did this year, I didn’t feel like continuing this reflection because of its short length. I was ashamed and upset about at all the goals I didn’t hit this year.
I viewed this year as a bit of a failure. A disappointment.
But it was only after I hiked atop a hill of reflection was I able to see the subtle value in the last 365 days.
As Steve Jobs famously said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.”
It is only now that I have reached the end of the year that I can fully appreciate its full picture. If this year was like the beautiful island of Anacapri (pictured) I can now see its crags and peaks, its green and brown, its beauty and imperfection. I see my sailboats exporting out resources and inhibitors, while the ships of others import their own into my island. I see the clouds of thoughts, ideas, desires, and dreams floating above it all, generating the climate of my year.
I’m sharing this piece with you to demonstrate that even if I didn’t cultivate my most ideal productive output this year, it generated a beautiful plethora of impactful insights and lessons.
Here are my moments, reflections and insights, formatted as a numbered list for simultaneous fluidity and structure. Opposites are not mutually exclusive!
lessons from 2023
For more detailed ideas, here are my other writing pieces!
1. true gratitude is proactive, not passive
This year showed me that gratitude is not the act of searching in the past for nuggets of appreciation. Gratitude is noticing and appreciating when moments are golden while they are happening.
In Feb of this year, I stopped writing what I was grateful for after doing it every night for more than a year because of that fact. I didn’t need the practice anymore, because I unlocked the real superpower: proactive gratitude!
Proactive gratitude makes the air smell sweeter while you breathe it. It makes the grass greener while you lay in it. The person more clear as you talk to them. It’s a superpower because it enhances even the tiniest facets of life! 2023 gave me this superpower because I made gratitude a habit rather than an action.
There is a catch though. (isn’t there always!) Active gratitude is something that I have to be continually crafting, or else I’ll lose it. In this world that profits off our comparisons to one another, I need to continuously be intentional about proactive appreciation to truly harness my superpower.
2. the people around you create your baseline
It’s a common phrase: you are the sum of your 5 closest friends.
I agree with this statement, but more specifically, I believe that the 5 closest people around you create your baseline.
What kind of baselines may you ask? Here are just a couple of examples that were made clear to me this year:
Kindness baseline. The meaner the people around you are, the meaner you will be. I’ve seen this in myself and others countless times.
Effort baseline. How much effort do they put into their work, relationships, self? If the people around you don’t put in the work and hours, you are less likely to do the same.
Confidence baseline. How do your friends hold themselves? My favourite people in the world all have their own self-love, and hold themselves with respect, but not too highly. This allows me to project my own confidence without insecurity.
2023 showed me what my baselines were through experience and reflection. Although they constantly fluctuated like my relationships, I learned what I’m not willing to sacrifice on, and how to find qualities that I aspire for myself in others. Here are a couple of phrases that articulate some of the morals I was able to develop:
I will always put in a substantial amount of effort and love if I believe someone is worth doing it for, but I will never risk myself in the process. I won’t run the 90% if you won’t walk the 10%. I have experienced only a fraction of the world’s richness so I want to be with people who have experienced more or will experience more. I want to be with truly authentic imperfect human beings that unearth my authentic self and promote it.
I am so grateful for some of the people that crafted my year, lifted me up, and influenced me in all the best ways. You all know who you are <3. Thank you for jumping on my train of life, even if the length you stay on is uncertain. So much love!
3. life will fly if you let it
That sounds like a wonderful phrase: life will fly!
But truly, I want life to drift beside me. I want it to adhere to my pace, my thoughts, my ideas. I’ve never been as organized as I was this year with my time. I don’t think “time management” is truly possible, because at every moment there will always be a million variables we can’t control, but I do think that time can be better harnessed.
True, flawless time management is like ∞. You can get super close to it but you can never truly reach it. (Math is a beautiful visualizer, don’t hate me.) I definitely got closer by the end of this year, but with much more room to grow.
My actions in weekly and monthly reflections have shown me more than told me how quickly life will pass you by if you don’t slow it down to your pace. I’m so grateful I’ve recognized the importance of time and changed my routines to incorporate more reflections and checkpoints, giving me agency, gratitude, and intention in every day.
4. its hardest to “habitify”, not start
I used to think that when I was starting something new, the hardest thing to do was to take the first step.
But after this year, I was able to create my own effort curve of starting something new
The highest point is not the first step, but the point when an action becomes a habit.
Explanation:
taking the first step (Point A) is harder than keeping the habit going (Point D), but the period of time that requires the most effort is turning the proactive action into a habit (Point B).
the turning point, the maximum of the parabola (Point C), is when an action becomes a habit because after this point the amount of effort decreases exponentially until it plateaus.
keeping up a habit forever (Point D) requires effort (it’s not at zero) but it requires substantially less than taking the first step (Point A).
This model of starting new things allowed me to stretch my goals and work ethic further this year. It allowed me to implement walks, skincare, Duolingo, and reading before bed into every single day. How? By keeping in mind the effort that I’ve put in or is still to come in the development of habits.
I’m sure my usage of this model will only continue to adapt as I evolve, grow, and change.
5. uncertainty is an opportunity, not an inhibitor
This year was certainly my most uncertain year. The question of what I wanted to do after high school emerged as a big, powerful beast that plagued my thoughts constantly. I completed so much exploration in project work, but didn’t narrow my focus, leaving me uncertain on what my “brand” or “thing” was.
The truth is, I still don’t have either of these things figured out. Maybe I never will.
The difference is that I’ve now come to acknowledge that I cannot control this uncertainty, and I can only control how I react to it.
Uncertainty can be a stage of opportunity instead of difficulty depending on how you frame it. I don’t know where I want to go? The world is my oyster!
Like my beautiful friend Chandhana said in this tweet, it’s okay to be in states of superposition like uncertainty and quantum particles. We can be proud of where we’re at, but ready to keep moving. We can be sad and happy. We can be feel loved and feel lonely.
I think that this year has been the mentality switch for me to become a person who can grapple with uncertainty. Someone who in 2024 will still attempt to exit this stage of uncertainty, but won’t try to avoid/diminish it.
6. the list from earlier:
I beat myself up about the length of this list. But what can I do? This is the true list! And it has its own beauty! Here I am lifting it up instead of bringing it down.
Here is my 2023, in a list of big completed tasks ✔️
Consulted for CAE, a world leader in aviation, healthcare, and defense training alongside TKS
Dislocated my knee
Traveled to Boston for a weekend with my mom for my 16th birthday
Traveled to Italy (Venice, Florence, Vico Equense, Rome) for two weeks with my family
Spent a whole week on one-on-one meetups with friends in the summer
Walked on the edge of the CN Tower with my british cousin
Re-launched this substack with 3 pieces I’m incredibly proud of
Ran two 5K Races under 35 mins (Breast Cancer Run for the Cure and Terry Fox)
Had a sleepover with my friend Chandhana from India who I convinced to fly to Toronto for Thanksgiving
Completed a research deep-dive on Plastic Pollution
wrote, filmed and edited a mini short film about the magic in the mundane
7. a look into the future.
If there’s one takeaway from this letter, its what I started with: growth is not linear.
2023 was not what I imagined, or what I had hoped. But it showed me real gratitude, and demonstrated my baselines for myself and my relationships. It flew at my pace, taught me the effort required to start things anew, and showed the importance of uncertainty.
My biggest goal for 2024 is to walk the walk. Apply these lessons, and seize every day with the suitable actions and not only words. What’s the point of completing these reflections and articulating these insights if I don’t use them to enhance my present and future?
Thanks for reading my cumulation of this year.
I’m so happy, grateful, and excited to have you here as I learn to strut.
And who knows? Maybe next year when I write this, you’ll be reading the work of a fully fledged model on the catwalk of life.
So proud of you!! Let's get it