i can only blame resentment on myself
epiphanote 5 - internal emotions, bubble tea rap battles and island by aldous huxley
Hi! Welcome to my weekly epiphanote where I share a mini epiphany, moments I’m grateful for, and what I consumed this week. Grateful to have you here! ✩
epiphany
Resentment is one of the ugliest feelings I feel in my body. It’s this conscious but underlying hatred for someone or something that makes me feel horrible. It also causes me to view everyday moments with that subject from a lens of biased dislike, painting interactions in a different way that they are.
I’ve realized the main sources of resentment are
insecurity
and lack of communication.
When someone has or is something you’re insecure about, you can’t help but feel resentful. Your insecurities project onto them and their actions, and suddenly, instead of just being them, they’re overdoing it. They don’t let anyone else speak. They’re annoying.
If something is bothering you and you don’t communicate it with the person who can change it you build resentment. Your feelings of dislike fester at the bottom of your stomach, building pressure until a small interaction becomes an unexpected last straw that makes you explode.
Despite resentment’s negative repercussions on my relationships and work, I’ve realized that it’s fully and completely in my control.
This is a liberating feeling.
If I resent someone, I can change that feeling all in all, as it is a totally internally driven emotion. It’s also a good signal for what I want to work on, as insecurity sometimes reveals your true desires.
So here’s to not resenting anyone in the future, and keeping our skin clear no matter what others do! Because honestly! The only person who causes my resentment is me.
mundane moments
Rap battling for hours with E, N, and R in Coco at 9:58pm while sipping lychee bubble tea
Multi phone FaceTime call in our hotel room between C+S and E+J+N
The most scrumptious green fabulous rich matcha at Bevy @ The Combine
i consumed:
check out my full bookshelf on Curius!
I’m reading Island by Aldous Huxley thanks to a recommendation from M and I’m thoroughly enjoying it! I can’t wait to see how I change the way I approach the world and different situations thanks to the unique writing and storyline.
I have absolutely fallen in love with Celine Nguyen’s work. I am so inspired by her intersection of a life in creative writing and technical product design. Read this incredible essay on how to begin when writing. I guarantee you anything you read from her you will be just as engaged as I am.
Enjoying the relaxed alternative sound of Backseat Lovers which feels like a combination of summer’s warmth with winter’s grittiness. Thanks to J for this pick!
Thank you so much for reading ashna’s journal! If there’s anything in this post that resonated with you, I always love to chat, so feel free to shoot me an email 💌 ashna.nirula72@gmail.com. Until next time!
Ashna