I am not a spontaneous person.
Whenever I go out with friends, whether it’s going somewhere far or coming over to my house, I enjoy having an outline. A well-intentioned purpose. A plan.
My friend Mansi on the other hand, on the day I’m writing this, is preparing for a trip to Iceland that she was only told about 24 hours ago!
Upon first glance, our opposite traits when it comes to embracing life’s experiences might seem like a result of our nature and who we are. But I have reason to believe that it was actually because of our *drumroll please* childhood.
My family is one of organization and preparation. We book our flights months in advance. We plan our get-togethers at least a few days ahead. I think that the constant “What’s the plan?” has seeped subconsciouly into my brain because of how much I heard it as I was growing up.
Meanwhile, when asking Mansi about her experience in her household, I saw some clearly opposite parallels. Plans being formed the day of. Last minute requests and ideas.
It took a friend to ask me to spend a full day with no plans for me to truly realize how uncomfortable the prospect of spontaneity was for me. The whole GO train ride there, I felt slightly uncomfortable.
And guess what?
We ended up taking a water taxi to Centre Island, played (and made fun of) tarot cards, and literally danced in the rain.
Life is always so much sweeter without expectations because it allows opportunity and authenticity to thrive. It’s beautiful to not know what’s going to happen and for the lines to not be straight, because our world isn’t geometric. It’s actually pretty messy.
I am extremely grateful to have been raised in an environment where time and organization is valued. It has made me a more efficient, productive, and prepared human being.
But what my discomfort taught me was that there are some habits from childhood I don’t want to inherit. I want to let myself be surprised and let the world show me all of its messy, beautiful squiggles instead of trying to untangle what can’t be untangled.
Spontaneity is apart of a life I want to create, so I need to unlearn my habitual thoughts and just f**k it and ball.
There doesn’t always have to be a “why” to doing anything, because our world is meaningless.
Only we can create the meaning and the spontaneity in this beautiful phenomena we call life.